What About Love?

Valentine's Day.....dddddaaamnnn.....there are few holidays that the mere mention evokes heated and emotional discussions like this one!  There are the lovers - who are usually the ones in "new" relationships, the haters - who are usually the ones in long term relationships or single, and then.....there's me.
I thought about it last night....thought about my last few Valentine's Days....the last couple I fell quite solidly in the 'hater' category....two years ago I was in the beginning stages of realizing my marriage was over, I was intensely sad and felt like an incredible failure.  Last year, I was fairly fresh on the heels of a divorce, I was intensely confused felt like an incredible failure.  Valentine's Day for the last two years was like scrubbing a an open wound with a wire brush....so I totally understand the camp the espouses a devout hatred for a holiday that tosses love and relationships in our faces.
On the surface, I AM a failure at love...at least the kind in the "Every kiss begins with Kay" commercial.  I was married and now I'm not.  It took both of us to make the marriage fail and I accept my responsibility for that.  What I also CLAIM responsibility for is that I recognized we both deserved more.  He deserved to be loved in a way that I could not provide; I deserved to be happy in way that I could not be inside the confines of the relationship.  There have been arrows shot in both directions and more pain than I care to dwell on, but ultimately I have come out of the tunnel a better person.  There are people that will argue that point and I will allow them their opinion, but I know my truths.
So really, a dissertation about divorce on Valentine's Day.....I hear you saying, "Gee Paige, that's nice."  Okay, here's where it gets better.....once I got past the pain, the anger, the accusations, the rock slinging, the feeling of failure...it made room.  It made so much room; we're talking concert hall kind of room.  It opened up so much space in my heart, in my soul that it allowed so many things to flow in that I hadn't felt for so long.  Joy, energy, beauty, passion, power, confidence...and of course, the other side of that coin...fear, anxiety, uncertainty.  The amazing thing  is that there is room to process all of it, to experience all of it; so experience it I do! 
I will never try and talk anyone in or out of a position on Valentine's Day, nor a position about love in general.  It's a personal thing that everyone has to process in their own way.  Love it, hate it, or just be like me and let it be.
Jaded and cynical me.....what about love?  The truth is, I don't know....but hey, there's room for it and that's a good thing......oh and, Happy Valentine's Day!