The Obligatory Gratitude Blog

Ah yes, Thanksgiving.....concentrating on family, on gratitude, on abundance....what a day.

I've spent the last three weeks consciously trying to concentrate on gratitude.  It sounds simple enough, but the reality is that some days are much easier than others.  Intellectually, I know that I have so much in my life.  I have people who love me unconditionally, I have people I love unconditionally.  I have a warm, safe home.  I have enough to eat.  I have a healthy body.  I have the most amazing biological daughter and I was allowed the privilege of being part of raising an amazing son.  All of those things can bring to to tears of gratitude with no effort at all.
Then there are 'those' days.  The days that life just seems too much.  We live in uncertain economic times.  I live in a fifty year old house with things that are constantly needing attention...and I only have one screwdriver.  Storms blow in, the temperature drops....clouds come in and it seems like the sun only shines other places.
I've decided to allow myself 'those' days....those moments...I'm tired of putting "shoulds" into my vocabulary.  As in, "You shouldn't think like that, you have so much."  Well....I do think like that.  The important thing is not to STAY in thoughts like that.  Allow them, experience them, learn from them and move on.
Yep, it's cold.  We live in the mountains.....it happens.  Yep, my washing machine broke.  It's ten years old....it happens.  Yep, the dog puked on the carpet.  They eat disgusting things....it happens.  Warm it up, fix it up, clean it up....move on.

I had a long talk with a friend last week about how our lives didn't turn out quite the way we expected when we were in our twenties.  I expected that I would get married and stay married.  I didn't.  I expected that my career would always revolve around law enforcement somehow. It didn't.  I expected that I would be
better off financially in my forties than I was in my twenties.  I'm really not. 

Today, however, I am so grateful that my life didn't turn out like I expected it to.  I have had the most amazing journey of finding my place in the world.  I've been able to reach inside and find MY joy.  Not the joy that comes from being a wife, a mother, a career woman....the joy that comes from being me.
I am so grateful that the journey continues and I am in a position to choose the path, to create the destination.  I am beyond grateful that I have been able to, through the changes in my life, help my daughter understand some of that, too. 

As Alice said in Wonderland.....It's my dream, I choose the path.
What a lovely path it is.  I am grateful

"Seeking" Inspiration

I've been caught in this uncomfortable cycle for a while.....where it feels like you're on the edge of a transition, a new alignment....but felt like the road in front of me had fallen into a pit and I just couldn't get "there" from "here". 

So I've spent literally days "seeking" inspiration, I've been reading, meditating, praying (YES, I pray....said in my best Ouiser Boudreaux voice) thinking that "inspiration" would come to me like a lightening bolt from the sky and that suddenly everything would be clear.....the road would appear and the virtual GPS of my life would give out loud turn by turn directions to fulfillment and happiness.

Over the last couple of days and last night in particular, I realized that "seeking" inspiration is like "seeking" rain.  It comes when it comes....and it doesn't when it doesn't, quite simple really.  I came to realize that there are long stretches of drought....and in those times you find inspiration in very small things.  Watching a movie quietly with a friend.....and hearing that one ridiculous line that makes you say....."Yep, that's it for today.....and that's good enough."

I'm anticipating a monsoon of inspiration, and it will come.  In the meantime, a sprinkle here and there is fine.  I'm going to stop seeking.....I'm going to start listening...for thunder in the distance, for that glorious smell of rain before the storm....the reminders that inspiration is out there we just have to quiet ourselves and sometimes stop 'seeking'.

Sometimes, you just have to remember Rule #32......Enjoy the little things.